How To Know Who Should Pick Up The Dinner Bill, According To Etiquette

It is no secret that Southerners take social etiquette seriously, from making sure to RSVP on time to writing a thank you note to the host after a fun occasion. Anytime we are getting together with family, friends, colleagues, or new acquaintances, we make sure to have our social graces on full display, and that includes when figuring out the bill. While it can sometimes seem like a game of who can reach for their wallet first, it’s actually a little more nuanced, yet should not cause any stress. 

While the traditional rule of thumb would state that whoever is the host, or whoever initiated the meal, should offer to take care of the bill, it is not quite so realistic in today’s social world, where grabbing dinner with family or friends is sometimes more about spending time together than treating it as a formal occasion with strict etiquette rulings. 

However, if you’re just not sure how to proceed at your next occasion, we’re here to assist. Here is how to know who should be picking up the tab in different scenarios, according to etiquette. 

If You’re Eating With A Friend 

Barring when occurring on birthdays or special occasions, a meal with one other person, such as a friend, is typically not treated as a formal event where whoever proposed meeting up is supposed to pick up the tab. Nowadays, it is seen as both commonplace and polite to split the bill evenly unless someone particularly wants to treat the other person. 

As always, if your friend expects you to cover the bill repeatedly and you’re not comfortable, just state your intentions to the server at the start of the meal to alleviate any confusion later. 

If It Is Someone’s Birthday

It seems that, over time, the etiquette around birthday or celebration meals has gotten thrown to the wayside. Typically, the person of honor is not supposed to pay for his or her meal if celebrating a birthday or special occasion, especially if it is a group meal. Even if the person organizes the group of people for the meal—not uncommon when bringing together family and friends who do not necessarily know each other well—it is good manners to evenly split the meal including the host’s meal. 

One caveat here is if the birthday host is throwing a party at home, in which case you can simply offer to help with food or drink. Another exception is when the birthday host specifically chooses an extravagant venue or meal without consulting the other guests, in which case it is seen as polite for them to cover all or at least part of the dinner (depending on their means), such as their own meal, the alcohol or beverages, the appetizers, or the venue cost. 

If You’re Attending A Group Dinner

When being part of a group dinner between friends, couples, or a large group of family members, there are different ways in which to handle the final tab. More often than not, these days it is considered acceptable and still polite to split the bill between individuals or smaller groups within the larger group. Again, it does not necessarily matter if one person, couple, or family invited the others, and it is still considered generous to cover anyone’s meal who is being celebrated.   

If You Are Formally Hosting

Obviously, there are instances in which it is more expected for the host to cover the whole bill. For example, if you are hosting dinner at your home, you are assumed to be paying for all food and beverages unless it is a more casual, potluck-style meal that others are contributing to. If it is a party or shower at your home, it falls upon the primary host or group of hosts to cover all expenses. For more formal family dinners, such as when meeting a child’s friends or significant others, it is considered polite for one person to take care of dinner as a welcoming gesture. 

When in doubt, you can always discuss beforehand who will be paying for dinner, or let your waiter know if you will or will not be splitting the bill at a restaurant. It is best to clear any confusion or awkwardness early in order to enjoy the occasion.