How Late Is Too Late To Cancel Plans?

Despite the fact that being on time is one of the most resolute rules of etiquette—and that being late is one of the biggest etiquette no-nos—that is not actually where the punctuality lesson ends. There are nuances around how early is appropriate to show up to a party or how tardy you can arrive before it’s considered rude. However, what about if you plan to not show up at all? How late is too late to cancel plans? 

Having to cancel plans is an inevitability of life. Regardless of how well you plan your schedule, extenuating circumstances can arise, such as family emergencies, work conflicts, sickness, and other issues that can interfere with even the best-prepped plans. The reality is that even Southerners who pride themselves on having great manners will occasionally have to cancel plans. In those cases, the answer is to tell your host as soon as possible and apologize profusely. 

However, if you are canceling on someone or an event without an emergency, it can be considered ill-mannered, particularly if it is last-minute. To put it shortly, changing your mind because you simply no longer feel like going or got a better offer elsewhere is not a valid reason to cancel. 

If you’re wondering how late is too late to cancel, here are ways to know the right move in different situations. 

For Dinner Parties and Small-Group Gatherings

Good friends and family members will usually be understanding of canceling when it is necessary. However, when calling out of plans with family or friends, you should not take advantage of your closeness to justify waiting until the last minute to decide if you feel like attending. Try to let the necessary people know within the week of the scheduled gathering or dinner, and no closer than three days out preferably. A good rule of thumb to remember: Doing it once might be excused. Doing it repeatedly might begin to offend friends and family, and lead to fewer invitations in the future. Make sure to still fulfill any commitments made prior, such as bringing appetizers, in any way possible. 

For Big or Casual Parties

The attendance at big parties is often less formal than at more intimate occasions. While your absence might be less noticed, it is still considered rude to not show up without notifying the host. Try to do so within the week of the event, and no closer than 24 hours out. For more casual, but still smaller, gatherings, you must let your host know beforehand, lest the group wait for you to show up to make a speech or serve dinner. If for any reason you are canceling the day of the event, always call your host with an apology, rather than text. 

For an Event Requiring Tickets or RSVP

When you’ve committed to attending an RSVP'd event— such as weddings, fundraisers, showers, or other catered events—it is important to let the hosts know no less than two weeks beforehand, as that is the most common deadline for letting caterers and other vendors know the headcount. Any closer, and you risk costing the host money on items purchased and time to rearrange the set plans. For ticketed events—such as concerts, tours, movies, and other reserved events—let the other guests know in enough time to find someone else to go, especially if you were planning to attend with just one other person. Additionally, always offer to pay for your portion if no refund is possible.