My Favorite Free Way To Make New Neighbors Feel Welcome

Over the last 28 years, I’ve moved 18 times. My experience as “the new neighbor” has definitely varied, with some welcomes turning into lifelong friendships and others just… nonexistent. As a naturally introverted person, I used to find taking the initiative to introduce myself intimidating. What’s the neighborhood—or complex—culture like? What if I meet someone unfriendly? Does anyone even care? I needed someone else to make the first move, and I was always so grateful when they did.

It’s easier on the other side, where you have the lay of the land: You know when trash day is, how long someone’s noisy construction project is going to last, and what the best walking route is. Over time, I’ve used that confidence, and the empathy from my own experiences, to hone in on how I can best welcome others. My approach completely changed, however, when I moved into my current home and my next door neighbor introduced herself in the simplest yet most brilliant way—that’s also completely free: She gave me her phone number.

It was a small gesture, but one that really stuck with me. Finally, I had someone I could text about a weird post that popped up on Nextdoor and ask to watch my cat when I was out of town. I wasn’t going to forget her family’s names either, because she texted me them along with the ages of her kids. While ideally all of our interactions would take place over our shared fence, life is busier than ever, and sometimes even proximity doesn’t equate to convenience. This felt like the next best thing.

As luck would have it, a family just moved in across the street, and this is the exact formula I’m using to make them feel welcome, inspired by my next door neighbor:

Don’t walk over while they’re moving in.

It’s tempting to be the first person on the welcoming committee to greet your new neighbors, but you’re going to make a better connection if you hold off. Moving can be chaotic, and chances are good they’re not going to remember a single thing you said. The same advice applies if they’re loading kids into the car or mowing the lawn—tasks they’re in the middle of and need to stay singularly focused on.

Try to lock eyes, smile, and wave beforehand.

You don’t want to catch them off-guard, or worse, stand around waiting for them to notice you (yikes!). A little connection such as eye contact can go a long way in making them feel immediately comfortable while you’re heading over.

Introduce yourself clearly.

Chances are your neighbors are meeting a lot of new people right now, and it’s going to be easy for them to get everyone mixed up. Tell them your name and who else lives in your house, then point out where your house is if possible so they have a visual association with you—and, of course, know where to find you.

Identify something you have in common or ask a question.

Commonalities and questions are the two easiest ways to start a conversation, and will demonstrate that you have a genuine interest in them. This is important, considering you’ll probably be exchanging phone numbers in a few minutes.

Tip: If you both have kids, ask how old they are. If they’re similar to yours, your new neighbor will be thrilled they have a friend on the block. If not, you may have just found your new babysitter (or vice-versa)!

See where the conversation goes.

Your neighbor may not be up for chatting right now, and that’s okay—don’t take it personally, these introductions can be overwhelming. But if they are? All the better! Think of this like a first date and avoid invasive questions (like how much they paid for the house) or gossip (like the sellers’ ugly divorce). 

Ask if you can give them your phone number.

“Let me give you my phone number!” is a demand, while “Can I give you my phone number?” requests consent. While most people will have no problem with this, it’s always good manners to ask instead of assume. Let them know they can text you if they have questions, need a favor, or want to get together.

Text them the names of everyone in your house.

Usually, when you offer up your phone number, they’ll offer up theirs too. If that’s the case, you’ll want to send them a quick text after parting ways. Do them a favor and tell them your address and the names of everyone in your house, plus ages if you have kids. If you have a pet that likes to roam outdoors, it’s not a bad idea to share their name too, accompanied by a quick description just in case they ever think it’s a stray.

Say hello next time you see them.

Maybe one day I’ll finally bake her something to say thank you, or she’ll ask me over after making a little too much coffee one morning. For now, I’m just happy to have someone to check on my cat when I’m traveling and an example to follow as people continue to move onto our street.