25 Thinly Veiled Southern Insults

Who among us could begin to name everything the South has produced: blues and jazz, the funeral procession pull-over, Elvis, Dolly, gas station fried chicken . . . and passive-aggressive insults, otherwise known as backhanded compliments.

We didn't adopt this behavior intentionally or even consciously. It's just that we have an aversion to aggression in everyday discourse. (In a football stadium, we have no problem with it whatsoever.) Hence the proliferation of "bless your heart," which isn't always sarcastic or insincere. Sometimes we're conveying genuine empathy/sympathy. But we also use it to cushion unpleasant observations: "Maybe cooking just isn't your special gift, bless your heart." (Translation: "I don't think my bird dog would eat your casserole.")

Here are the thinly veiled negative observations (read: Southern insults), submitted by our readers.

Keeping Up Appearances

• Maybe she just doesn't realize a Medicaid card and a miniskirt don't belong on the same woman.
• What a cute haircut! It looks SO much better.
• Isn't it just like you to wear a dress like that!
• Is that what they're wearing now?
• I'll bet you've got such a handsome face underneath that beard.
• Honey, I just hope you don't catch pneumonia in those shorts. They sure look . . . breezy.
• They're just plain people, and there's nothing wrong with that.
• I don't care what anybody says. I think she's pretty . . . in her own way.
• Look what she likes.
  

Not The Sharpest In The Bunch

• Honey, it's not your fault. You just didn't know any better.
  
• I don't care if it WAS 40 years ago when she won the high school spelling bee—not everybody can spell "hippopotamus," and that's at least something she can hang onto.
• That apple didn't fall far from the tree, did it, y'all?
  
• Most people in town think he's really smart . . .
  
• Her biscuit's not done in the middle, but we can overlook that.
• His elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor, if you know what I mean, but we just love him to death.
  

Marching To A Different Beat

• He is who he is, God love him.
• She's not the sweetest cookie in the batch, but we wouldn't trade her for the world.
• He's a little rough around the edges, but he's got the best personality.
• He means well . . . God love him.
• It's not their fault they weren't raised right.
• It's really not her fault she turned out that way.
• That one right there has always been a little different.
• He's not like the rest of the family, is he?
• You march to your own drummer, don't you, sweetheart? Good for you. Good for you.
• You're not married? Nothing wrong with that, honey. You're a career lady.