What Can You Give As A Sympathy Gift When The Family Requests No Flowers?

Knowing precisely what to give as a sympathy gift, or what to offer during someone’s most tragic and hard times, can be difficult. As Southerners, we have our own unique ways of showing that we care and giving our condolences, including a heartfelt message on a bouquet of flowers or bringing a covered dish. However, it can be a devastatingly overwhelming time for a grieving family, and filling the home to the brim with flowers and casseroles can sometimes add to the emotional strain. 

Therefore, when a grieving family requests no sympathy flowers, what is best to give instead? Your condolences can be shown in other ways that are bound to be much appreciated, no petals required. Here is what to give as a sympathy gift that is not flowers. 

How Much Should You Spend on a Sympathy Gift? 

This depends on the relationship with the grieving family, as well as each person’s personal budget. While sometimes those who are very close will give in the form of acts of service (dropping by casseroles or helping arrange affairs), sympathy gifts are a thoughtful way to express your condolences without imposing too much. As a general rule of thumb, those who are close with the family tend to spend around $50 to $100, sometimes more depending upon closeness and various budgets. Other acquaintances might spend anywhere from $25 to $50, again sometimes more if budget allows. 

Sympathy Gift Ideas That Aren’t Flowers 

While flowers tend to be a safe option, if the family particularly is overwhelmed with flowers already or specially requests no flowers, here are some of the best recommendations for sympathy gifts.

Handwritten card

Often, something as simple as a genuine handwritten condolence note can be the very thing that someone needs, especially during a hard time. Make sure to express your condolences and feelings, while also offering to help however the family might need. 

Charitable donation

In lieu of a physical gift, make a donation in honor of the deceased person and grieving family to either a charity beloved by the family or, if you’re not sure, a charity chosen using your best judgment. This especially helps when a family is overwhelmed with food and gifts in the home. 

Restaurant gift cards

Let’s face it: There are only so many casseroles that a grieving family can eat or stick in the freezer for later. Often, they’d dare not refuse a home-cooked meal, but it can quickly get too crowded and some food might risk getting wasted. Instead, give a gift that keeps on giving long after the initial grieving phase with restaurant and meal delivery gift cards that a family can use whenever the need strikes. 

Fresh baked cookies or treats

While casseroles can get bulky, warm, freshly baked cookies tend to disappear quick. Cookies and other homemade goodies are inherently comforting and also great to have on hand for a big group. During a grieving period, family and close friends tend to be in constant rotation, and there will always be room for a “cheering up” treat. 

House cleaning service

Household chores can easily fall to the wayside for grieving families, understandably. Reserving or paying ahead for a house-cleaning service to come by at the bequest of the family is the perfect way to ease the burden on those who already have plenty to deal with. The same goes for yard services, or even offering to do their laundry for a few weeks. 

Personalized memory book or box

Inevitably, commemorating a loved one through his or her belongings—letters, trinkets, photos—will be a great way to look back long after the funeral is over. Etsy and other online markets tend to offer many customized and engraved items that can be used for such storage. Additionally, formal photo books can be reserved and filled in later at the family’s leisure. 

Gift basket of comfort items

Odds are, no one is thinking too much about taking care of themselves during this time, and so you can help out by giving a gift basket full of items that bring comfort and relaxation. Consider filling it with a handwritten note, hot chocolate mix, face masks, a cozy blanket, and other self-care items. 

Memorial stone or tree

For an option that won’t clutter up the home, choose a dedicated memorial stone or charitably planted tree that will be placed in a local park or somewhere beloved by the deceased person or grieving family. It provides somewhere the family can visit for years to come. 

Something for the kids

Often, the grieving period can involve many grown-up issues to be dealt with, which can leave the kids trying to pass the time quietly without being in the way. It is always a good forethought to bring over coloring books or games that can help distract and comfort kids or grandkids in a time of need. 

Sympathy Gifts Dos and Don’ts 

Always add a note

During what can be an overwhelming time, make sure to always attach a note to your sympathy gift so that the host can revisit them later in the case that they were not able to pay close enough attention during the delivery. 

Skip the booze

Beyond a bottle of wine often screaming “regifted,” alcohol in general is best left out of the equation during an emotional time. Perhaps consider bringing over a pitcher of sweet tea or homemade lemonade instead. 

If you do go with flowers, always include a vase 

While wrapped-up blooms from a grocery store might seem lovely in a pinch, no otherwise-distracted grieving person wants to dig for the right-size vase. If you're giving flowers as a sympathy gift, make sure to present the stems in a proper vessel.