12 Things Only Southerners Say At The Nail Salon

The nail salon isn't just a place of service in the South, it's a spot for getting a bit of self-care in the form of a fresh manicure alongside a bit of socializing and—sometimes, of course—gossiping. When a Southerner walks into the nail salon, there's no telling what will come out in conversation during that sedentary hour in the chair, no matter if accompanied or alone. It's true, after all, that we do have a mouthful of sayings that only Southerners understand—and if you're from the South, you know that sometimes there's just no other way to get your point across.

Love them or leave them, sometimes Southerners just like to hear ourselves talk. With a grain of comic salt, here are 12 things you'll only hear Southerners say at the nail salon.

When Choosing a Color

• "If it ain't broken, don't fix it. I'll take my usual pink-nude, please."
• "I want red nails that would give Pretty Woman a run for her money."
• "My nails are in need of a Truvy Jones-style makeover—help me please!"

When Complimenting the Nail Tech

• "Well, you got that manicure done faster than the devil can fly. What's your name for next time?"
• "Why, they're as pretty as a pitcher." (As in: "pretty as a picture" with a Southern drawl.)
• "I'm fixin' to take over the world with this spankin' new manicure. You just watch."

When Suggesting a Correction

• "I must be as jumpy as a cat on a hot tin roof, because that nail needs a little fixing up on the side."
• "I might be wrong, but that nail looks a bit cattywampus, no?"
• "I might just scratch somebody like a mad hen if they stay this long, would you mind filing them down a bit more?"
  

When Socializing (or Gossiping)

• "Have you tried Bubble Bath? It'll flatter you a bit more than that candy pink."
• "I told her that you can change your looks as often as your manicure, but ugly is to the bone."
• "Honey, you're sure you don't want something more neutral, in case he proposes?"