30 'Miss Congeniality' Lines We Will Never Stop Quoting

If you've never seen Miss Congeniality, these quotable lines from the movie will have you gathering movie snacks and settling in for some laughs.

Short Quotes

• Victor Melling: I haven't seen a walk like that since Jurassic Park.
• Victor Melling: Eyebrows—there should be two!
  
• Gracie Hart: And...world peace.
• Gracie Hart: Why don't you stun-gun yourself?
• Karen, New York: She's obviously been drinking too much Coppertone.
• Victor Melling: I am a miserable, grumpy elitist—and that works for me.
• Gracie Hart: Hey! I'm gliding here!
• Gracie Hart: Don’t need that, with all this foil in my hair I’m getting HBO.

Quotes About Etiquette

• Victor Melling: Be the crown!
• Victor Melling: Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown.
  
• Victor Melling: I'm sorry, what was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap.
• Gracie Hart: Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go unscrew my smile!
• Gracie Hart: I would so like to hurt you right now.
  Victor Melling: As long as you smile.

Quotes About Looks

• Victor Melling: Your hair should make a statement.
  Gracie Hart: As long as it doesn't say, "Thank you very much for the Country Music Award"!
• Gracie Hart: I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven't slept all night, I'm starved, and I'm armed. Don't mess with me!
• Victor Melling: See? Glide. It's all in the buttocks. Don't I look pretty?
• Gracie Hart: I know I am going to miss the heels because they do something for my posture. And I'm suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts.
• Gracie Hart: Oh good. I guess it's time to go apply at my local Hooters.
• Gracie Hart: The last time I was this naked in public I was coming out of a uterus!
• Gracie Hart: Where am I gonna keep my gun?
  Eric Matthews: Nowhere I wanna know about!

Funny Quotes

• Stan Fields: Miss Rhode Island, please describe your idea of a perfect date.
  Cheryl, Miss Rhode Island: That's a tough one. I would have to say April 25. Because it's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.
• Victor Melling: What no armored car?
  Gracie Hart: That would be in my other dress.
  
• Gracie Hart: Gracie Lou Freebush?
  Eric Matthews: Remember, you like that name.
  Gracie Hart: Yeah, well. My IQ just dropped ten points.
• Victor Melling: Why is New Jersey called "The Garden State"?
  Gracie Hart: Because "Oil and Petrochemical Refinery State" wouldn't fit on a license plate?
  
• Victor Melling: If I'd ever had a daughter, I imagine she might have been something like you…which is perhaps why I've never reproduced.
• Gracie Hart: You think I’m gorgeous, you want to kiss me…You want to hug me…You want to love me…You want to hug me…You want to smooch me…You want to…
  
• Stan Fields: Prepare for what promises to be a day of astounding musical, theatrical, and dancing talent. And after I'm finished you can see the ladies!
• Gracie Hart: Good evening, I know the program says I'm supposed to play the water glasses for you, but some of the girls got dehydrated.
• Gracie Hart: I was dating him for a little while because he said he had an incurable disease. I didn't realize it was stupidity.
  
• Kathy Morningside: Of course he had a gun. This is Texas! Everybody has a gun. My florist has a gun!