85 Bread Jokes And Puns That Definitely Aren't Crumby

Whether you're a beginner bread-baker, an experienced chef, or simply a carb enthusiast, you'll crack up over these hilarious bread jokes and puns. The best thing about a bread joke? It never grows mold. Share these punny bread jokes with a baker in your life—you're sure to get a rise out of them.

Funny Bread Jokes

• How does the bread court his sweetheart? With lots of flours.
• What did the toast say to the psychic? You bread my mind!
• What did one slice of bread say to another after a long day? Don't worry—tomorrow will be butter.
• What is the baker's favorite TV show? The Walking Bread.
• What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race? You're toast!
• What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend? You deserve butter.
• How do you spot a radical baker? They're always going against the grain.
• What did mama bread say to her kids? It's way past your breadtime!
• What does a loaf of bread say to a friend after doing them a favor? It's the yeast I could do.
• What did the slice of bread say to the cheese? You're the best thing since me!
• What happens if a baguette forgets his umbrella? He will get soaking wheat all over.
• What do elves make sandwiches with? Short-bread.
• How does bread relax after it's finished baking? It loafs around.
• How do you say hello to German bread? Gluten tag.
• How do the French get bread home? They baguette.
• If you order pita bread twice, does that make it repita bread?
• What’s a mermaid’s favorite meal? A sand-wich.
• What kind of dog did the baker have? A pure bread.
  

Crusty Bread Jokes

• What’s the worst thing about a bread pun? It tends to get stale.
• Why did the aging loaf retire? His career was toast.
• Why was the loaf of bread upset? His plans kept going a-rye.
• What did a slice of bread say after brushing his teeth? I'm bready for bed.
• Why does bread look so bad in photos? It’s too grainy.
• What's the most sophisticated kind of bread? The upper crust.
• How does bread remember things? It uses toast-it notes.
• What does a bread say to win over friends? You can crust me.
• Why did the baker's card get declined? He didn't have enough dough!
• Why did the loaf of bread break up with his girlfriend? The relationship was crumbling.
• Why does bread hate Southern summers? The weather is too toasty.
• It's a shame that your bread puns are always so crumby.
  
• Two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
• That crusty joke is tough to swallow.

Bread Puns For Your Stud Muffin

• Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
  
• You're the apple of my rye.
• Wheat be cute together.
• Rye don't you bake me on a date?
• I'm gluten love with you!
• My loaf for you is rising.
• Let's tie the bread knot already!
• Will you be my com-PAN-ion?
• Bae-goals!
• You're looking like a stud muffin today!
• You’re my butter half.
• Don’t go baking my heart.

Bread Puns For When You're Feeling Extra Sour

• You're toast.
• Wheat it and weep.
• Ciabatta stay away from me.
• Don't be so sour, dough.
• I don't want naan of that.
• Don't be so kneady.
• Baguette out of my way!
• You're no bun!
• Stop loafing around!
• Rye so serious? 
• That’s a no-grainer. 
• We’re on a knead-to-know basis. 
  
• I don’t give a crepe.
• Another one bites the crust.
• I donut belong here.
• I'm a gluten for punishment.

Bread Puns To Send To Your Buddies

• Next time you need a loaf, challah at me.
• Don't worry, you can crust me.
• Wheat make great friends!
• Let's breadstick together.
• At yeast we have each other.
• I'm bready to have bun with you!
• It’s scone to be a lot of fun! 
• I'm on a roll with these bread jokes.
• Feeling crumby? I baked you some bread.
• Life's a batch, then you bake.
• My jokes are the best thing since sliced bread.
• I'm not a hero, just a sandwich-maker.
• No knead to worry; I'm baking bread.

Bread Puns For Early Risers

• Bready or not, here I crumb!
• Gotta risk it for the biscuit.
• I'm headed to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office.
• Did you know that pilgrims baked bread on the May-Flour?
• Business at the bakery is on the rise.
• Baking is a labor of loaf.
  
• Last but not yeast. 
  
• Ryes and shine.
  
• Let’s get ready to crumble!
  
• You can’t loaf around when it’s time to bake.
• Bake some bread; make some dough.
• Bakers do it with flour power.