How To Respond To "Bless Your Heart," A Phrase With Endless Meanings

In the South, "bless your heart" situations arise daily. Spend enough time in the region, and you'll start to notice just how many times the phrase "bless your/their/his/her heart" is spoken either vehemently aloud or in a breathless whisper. It's a versatile Southern phrase with a thousand meanings—and just as many possible responses.

If you're on the receiving end of a "bless your heart," it might make you laugh or sting a little. It's usually good-natured, but you'll have to carefully listen because "bless your heart" has too many meanings to count. Southerners know that the phrase's purpose depends on the tone in which it's spoken, and a slight change in inflection or volume can make all the difference. Here's how to respond accordingly.

What Does "Bless Your Heart" Mean?

Southerners know that when "bless your heart" is uttered during conversation, the meaning depends on the context. Yes, it can be a backhanded comment about foolish behavior, but it's often a genuine expression of sympathy.

Don't know how to respond? Consider a few variables. Who's speaking? What prompted the "bless your heart?" Need some extra tutoring in the subject? You can bet your Southern mothers, aunts, and grandmothers are all well-versed in the language of "bless your heart," so it might be a good idea to approach them for some pointers. If you're looking for a basic crash course, read on for a few variants of "bless your heart" and the appropriate responses.

A Whispered Bless His/Her Heart: Can You Believe It?

A "bless his/her heart" spoken in a whisper is often conspiratorial. When used in this manner, the phrase isn't spoken directly to the person's whose heart is being blessed. Instead, it's repeated to a friend or neighbor. Usually, if the phrase is uttered to you in conversation about someone not present—or present, but out of earshot—the appropriate response is a smile, and perhaps a chuckle if you agree.

An Empathetic Bless Your Heart: I'm So Sorry

Everyone appreciates this version of "bless your heart" because it's always kind and courteous. If "bless your heart" is deployed in an expression of empathy or concern, a clear "Thank you, ma'am," or "Thank you, sir" is appropriate. "Bless your heart" said in this way is an outstretched hand, a comforting hug, and an olive branch of understanding.

A Sassy Bless Your Heart: What Were You Thinking?

Some "bless your hearts" are devoid of sympathy; you may hear a touch of sass (or more than a touch) instead. Receiving this "bless your heart" is a Southern rite of passage. This one has some judgment, but you know it's because the person speaking has your best interests at heart. Responding with a return volley of salt or sass may be tempting, but the best option is to smile and change the subject. (Unless, of course, you have a well-timed response teed up. If so—and if you have no fear of consequences—then the choice is yours.)

A Pitying Bless Your Heart: You Didn't Know Any Better

Sometimes "bless your heart" contains a mixture of sympathy and head shaking. If it's directed at you, it may be best to let it go, nod sadly, or reply with a good-natured laugh. If it's directed at a neighbor, you just might choose to murmur your agreement.

A Neutral Bless Your Heart: I'd Rather Not Say What I'm Thinking

Occasionally, the phrase "bless your heart" can substitute your actual reaction to a conversation where that response may not be appreciated. When you can't relay your true feelings, a "bless your heart" might be enough of a conversation-ender for the other person to understand the need to switch subjects.

Bless My Heart: Self-Directed Sympathy

"Bless my heart" has many meanings, from self-sympathy to self-admonishment to self-deprecation to modesty. The appropriate response to "bless my heart" is usually a sympathetic nod of the head. Show enough empathy to display that you understand or agree, but not too much as to encourage any misinterpretations. If moved, you can also offer a validating or concerned "bless your heart" in return. Just watch your tone—in the world of "bless your hearts," it's a powerful thing.